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If you don't understand these 6 things, don't meet the parents#

Blind dates still need to follow a formula. A blind date is not about finding a partner; choice is greater than effort.
At least half of the girls still think that blind dates are just an opportunity for you to chase me.

The 73 Rules of Blind Dates (strictly speaking, the 71 Rules)

• After 3 proactive messages with no positive response, end it.
• After 3 proactive meeting requests with no successful meeting, end it.
• After 3 successful meetings with no relationship established, end it.
• After 3 meetings with expenses incurred and no proactive effort once, end it.
• After 3 meetings within 3 weeks with no physical contact, end it.
• After 3 months of establishing a relationship with no hugs, holding hands, or kisses, end it.
• After 3 months of being a couple with no mutual meeting of parents, end it.

These 7 rules are progressively layered; meeting one condition allows you to move to the next, while failing any condition immediately ends it, overturning all previously met conditions.

(The following terms are all dismissive excuses: slow to warm up / reserved / chemistry / testing / attitude / sincerity / no feelings / don't understand me / not caring / won't comfort / fear of getting hurt / need for security / ambition / try again / emotional value / economical / see the end at a glance.)

Obtaining a marriage certificate means that both parties are in a legally protected marriage relationship, recognized by law as married.
Holding a wedding is a ceremonial marriage. Although just holding a wedding does not constitute a legal marriage, Chinese people place more importance on the wedding ceremony.

You can either obtain a marriage certificate first or hold a wedding first, depending on the couple's wishes.

What is the difference between engagement and betrothal?

1. Betrothal

Betrothal, commonly known as "dowry," requires the man to bring certain gifts and betrothal gifts to the woman's home to establish a written or verbal marriage agreement with the woman.

2. Engagement

Engagement is more formal than betrothal and refers to both families reaching an agreement regarding the marriage of the two children. Engagement usually involves holding an engagement banquet, primarily to announce to friends and family that the two are about to get married. Additionally, items such as dowries and the "three golds" are given during the engagement.

Betrothal was an important marriage custom in ancient times, but it is not commonly seen in modern weddings. Let me introduce the traditional betrothal process.

1. Discussing the betrothal before the engagement
   The discussion mainly revolves around "small gifts."

The betrothal gifts include "four red packets" or "six red packets" (four to six pieces of silk clothing), gold rings, and gold earrings;

The betrothal money includes small gifts of thirty-six, medium gifts of sixty-four, and large gifts of one hundred and twenty (silver coins);

The number of food items is "sixty-four," which includes 64 pairs of dumplings, 64 oil buns, 64 sesame cakes, etc.

2. Both parties exchange betrothal certificates
   During the betrothal, the man must carry the aforementioned gifts in a box to the woman's home. At the same time, the man must present a "betrothal letter," commonly known as "red and green paper" (two layers of paper, red on the outside and green on the inside), and the woman sends back a "reply" to acknowledge it, commonly known as "formal engagement."

Engagement process

1. Parents' discussion

Before the engagement, the parents of both parties need to meet once to discuss the engagement process, related taboos, and matters such as betrothal gifts and money.

2. Presenting the marriage dowry

3. Exchanging engagement gifts
   Generally, the man presents gifts to the woman first, and the woman then reciprocates. The man will prepare dowries and the "three golds," while the woman needs to return part of the betrothal money and give the man a few sets of clothing and shoes, symbolizing care and warmth.

4. Wearing engagement rings
   During the engagement ceremony, the man will place the engagement ring on the woman's left hand's ring finger, symbolizing the formal establishment of their marriage agreement.

5. Engagement banquet
   The engagement banquet is usually hosted by the woman's family, inviting close relatives and friends. The soon-to-be couple must toast to each guest after the banquet begins, accepting their blessings and expressing gratitude.

What to prepare for the engagement
1. Items the man needs to prepare for the engagement

① Betrothal money

The amount of betrothal money should be considered based on local customs and the man's family's economic conditions, preferably with auspicious numbers like 2, 5, 6, or 8, such as 8800 (wealth rolling in), 9900 (long-lasting), 10001 (one in a million), 180000 (a riot of colors), etc. The betrothal money should be wrapped in red paper.

② Betrothal gifts

Betrothal gifts are generally divided into six-piece, eight-piece, or twelve-piece sets, and the man can choose based on his own conditions or directly use red envelopes as substitutes. It should be noted that all gifts must be in even numbers👇.

📌 List of six gifts

Type one: meat, fish, wine, sugar, vermicelli, desserts.

Type two: wedding cakes, ceremonial candles and firecrackers, candies, gold jewelry, bride's attire, pork.

Type three: cigarettes, wine, sugar, tea, red envelopes, jewelry.

📌 List of eight gifts: cigarettes, wine, sugar, tea, green fish, pork leg, ceremonial cakes, hen.

📌 List of twelve gifts: large cakes, ceremonial cakes, rice cakes, ceremonial candles and firecrackers, sugar road, gold jewelry, four-color candies, pig, hen, fresh fish, raw chicken, wine, noodles.
③ Banquet gifts

The engagement banquet is usually hosted by the woman's family. The more particular man can estimate the approximate cost of the banquet and then give a red envelope to the woman's family.

④ Matchmaker's gift (same for the woman)

If the couple was introduced by a matchmaker, a red envelope should be given to the matchmaker, commonly known as "thank you for the match." If the matchmaker does not accept money, good cigarettes, good wine, or other gifts can be prepared.

⑤ Man's family and friends

The engagement banquet should invite close relatives and friends. The man's parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, and other relatives should attend. However, if the engagement ceremony is relatively simple, the man can only invite a few respected elders and close relatives, and it is best not to invite too many people, keeping the number similar to the woman's side.

⑥ Jewelry

**Engagement ring💍 ** The engagement ring is bought by the man for the woman, and only one is needed. In front of family and friends, the man places the engagement ring on the woman's finger, making a marriage promise and announcing the upgrade of their relationship and status, which is very ceremonial.

**Three golds/Five golds👑 ** Includes gold necklaces, gold earrings, gold rings, gold bracelets, and gold pendants, usually given to the woman along with the betrothal gifts during the engagement. This is a formality that shows the man's sincerity in preparing to marry the bride.

Items the woman needs to prepare for the engagement****
① Return gifts

The woman's return gifts for the engagement usually consist of four items: a belt, leather shoes, a tie, and a shirt. The woman's return gifts mainly depend on the amount of the man's betrothal gifts. If the man's gifts are substantial, the woman can add some cash, jewelry, or local specialties and health products in addition to clothing.

② Engagement banquet

The engagement banquet is generally prepared by the woman's family and can be held in a hotel or at home. However, in some regions, the man is fully responsible, depending on local customs, so it's best to ask the elders around.

③ Items for the engagement ceremony

• Tea and fresh fruits (dried lychee, dried longan, dried walnuts, raw peanuts);
• A pair each of lotus root, cypress, red envelopes, taro, ginger, and pomegranate;
• Two packs of noodles, symbolizing the long-lasting nature of married life;
• Candies or white sugar, symbolizing a sweet life;
• Tea ceremony items, fresh flowers, balloons, pastries, wedding books, and other decorative items.

④ Items to entertain guests

The woman also needs to prepare some gifts to entertain guests, mainly wedding candies, desserts, red envelopes, cigarettes, wine, and engagement cakes.

Main process of the engagement ceremony

1. Ancestor worship

Before the groom departs for the bride's home, he must first worship his ancestors, symbolizing the hope that his ancestors will bless his marriage.

2. Distributing cakes

The woman distributes engagement cakes to relatives and friends; the bride cannot eat her own engagement cake.

3. Departure

On the day of the engagement, the man must carry the betrothal gifts and set off with firecrackers to the woman's home or engagement hotel. The people going to the woman's home should be older relatives and friends of the man, and the number of people and gift cars should be even.

4. Meeting of both parents

If the parents of both parties have not met before the engagement, when the man arrives at the woman's home or hotel, the matchmaker or the couple should introduce both parents to each other.

5. Welcoming guests
   Guests should be informed in advance about the time and location of the engagement banquet, and on the day, the couple should personally welcome the guests and invite them to take their seats.

6. Matchmaker's speech

The matchmaker is an important figure in witnessing the development of the couple's relationship. If there is no matchmaker, a friend of the couple can be invited to speak, mainly to share the couple's love story and offer blessings.

7. Greeting elders

The soon-to-be couple should introduce each other to their respective relatives and friends, then serve tea and greet them. If the couple wishes to change how they address each other during the engagement, this is also done at this stage.

8. Exchanging gifts

If both families have previously agreed on the amount of the dowry, the man can present the dowry and other gifts to the woman during the engagement ceremony, and the woman should also reciprocate with certain gifts.

9. Parents' speeches

Seeing their child getting engaged, parents likely have many feelings to express. During the parents' speeches, they can share their thoughts and send their best wishes to the couple.

10. Toasting

After the engagement ceremony concludes, the banquet can officially begin. The couple and their parents, as hosts, should properly entertain the guests and toast to each one.

Order of proposal, betrothal, engagement, and marriage
The order should be proposal first, then betrothal, followed by engagement, and finally marriage.

The man first proposes to the woman and receives her consent, then prepares gifts and brings his parents to the woman's home for betrothal. The two families then begin discussing engagement matters and preparing for the engagement. After the engagement, they enter the wedding preparation phase, culminating in marriage.

Step one: Proposal
Once the romantic relationship is stable and both parties have smoothly passed the adjustment period, if they confirm that they want to spend their lives together, the man can prepare for the proposal, formally expressing his desire to be together for life.

📌 Step two: Meeting the parents
After the man successfully proposes to the woman, they can take each other to meet their parents and begin to understand each other's families.

📌 Step three: Betrothal
After meeting the parents, if both families are satisfied with each other, the man can propose to the woman's family. Once the proposal is successful, they can discuss engagement matters and the wedding date.

📌 Step four: Engagement
After the proposal, an engagement banquet is usually held on an auspicious date to announce to friends and family that the two families are about to form a union. Once engaged, it means that the marriage agreement between the man and woman is established, and the marriage is essentially a done deal.

📌 Step five: Marriage
Marriage is a ceremony to inform friends and family that the couple has officially become husband and wife and established a small family, usually determined by calculating the most suitable wedding date based on the couple's birth dates.

What gifts should the man prepare for the engagement?

1. Betrothal money
   During the engagement, the man should give the woman a certain amount of betrothal money, not too much, mainly to show his sincerity and to seek good fortune for the marriage.

2. Betrothal gifts
   Betrothal gifts are divided into six-piece, eight-piece, and twelve-piece sets, generally including chicken, duck, fish, meat, cigarettes, wine, tea, desserts, ceremonial candles, firecrackers, etc., depending on local customs.

3. Clothing and jewelry
   When the son gets engaged, he should also prepare clothing and jewelry for the woman. Jewelry usually refers to the traditional three golds or five golds (gold rings, gold necklaces, gold earrings, gold bracelets, gold pendants), which can be directly given to the woman in cash.

4. Matchmaker's gift
   If the couple was introduced by a matchmaker, a gift should also be prepared for the matchmaker to thank him for his introduction.

5. Engagement ring
   Engagement is also a significant ceremony, and the man needs to prepare an engagement ring for the woman to express his sincere love.
   Engagement can take place 2-3 months after the proposal. The proposal is a sign of respect, recognition, and importance towards the woman, a promise of love before marriage.

The proposal ceremony can be simple or grand. After the girl agrees to the proposal, both families can begin discussing the marriage arrangements and start planning the engagement banquet.